After four months I finally feel a little better. Even though I spend every second day mostly in bed, sleeping and reading and sleeping again.

Caffeine is supposed to be my greatest enemy. My adrenal glands nod with a wide smile when I don’t take any and put me to sleep again.

I used to work a lot or better I did a lot. I learned to make my work and life a computer game. I always had a lot of fun. 

Then I broke down and burned out. How come? I am on a quest of finding out what put me in this quicksand that made me fear for my life. 

Was it really work or the other obligations I have in my life?

Was it really me or the venomous people around me?

Was it a really hard lesson, maybe the hardest of my life, I have to learn from?

Was it that only some of us are given the opportunity to feel that much and react emotionally? 

Is it that the modern world prefers numb and it is telling me to change accordingly? 

Well, I have the right to choose myself. I have the right to make it as I want it. 

The biggest mistake I made that I got burned out because I burned for others not for me. 

It’s about time I did it for me.

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